Boris Johnson has explained that the only reason he didn’t react more swiftly to Marcus Rashford’s campaign to get the government to provide free school meals during the summer is because he didn’t know that […]
Despite being “completely run off her feet” with home schooling, a Kent mum-of-two still has more than enough time to bang on about it online. Ever since schools shut because of the COVID-19 outbreak, Rubella […]
A serial burglar, currently serving time in Wormwood Scrubs for armed robbery, has announced he’ll be live streaming daily hints and tips on how to successfully self-isolate. Having spent much of his adult life behind […]
Scientists working on a vaccine for COVID-19 have admitted they’re in a race against time to find a cure before Ed Sheeran drops a brain-meltingly bland fundraising record. “We’re working round the clock to find […]
The world’s children are on the brink of a financial crisis after the Tooth Fairy announced today that she’s gone into self-isolation. “I’ve had the sniffles for a couple of days,” said the Tooth Fairy […]
A 70 year old man was euphoric last night, after getting hold of a fake ID that says he’s 68, allowing him to drink in his local pub after the government’s quarantine of the elderly […]
A multimillion pound event, intended to promote a softer, more cuddly side to wasps, ended in disaster last night, when the host went on a sudden, crazed stinging spree. ‘Stings Can Only Get Better’, held […]
Elon Musk today announced he’s ramping up preparations to return to his home planet, after becoming concerned about the coronavirus outbreak. “It had always been my intention to go back at some point,” revealed the […]
Greta Thunberg has revealed her love for gas-guzzling sports cars, in a call made by a Russian hoaxer posing as Prince Harry. The 17-year-old environmental activist also spoke of the large herd of methane-emitting cows […]
Donald Trump has issued the American people with detailed new advice on how to protect themselves from the growing threat of coronavirus. “Just stick your fingers in your ears, close your eyes tight and hum […]